I like bidding and the worse my hand is the more I seem to like it. One time I uncharacteristically chose not to open in third seat at favorable vulnerability, my partner alerted it, and when the startled opponent asked what my pass meant, my partner explained, “She only has twelve cards.” I have very poor impulse control.
I was playing with Yin, it was the last round and we were having a mediocre game despite the previous five boards against a pair whose bidding and play was completely nonsensical. It was impossible to know what was going on — every aspect of the hands, the bidding, the play, the defense, it was all just noise from their direction. We got good scores against them, but by the time they left I was mentally cooked. And then the best East-West pair sat down.
My RHO opened 1♦ and I looked at my hand and saw this:
And, I just couldn’t resist the urge to do something so I bid 2♦. My partner bid 2♠ which got doubled. When I put my hand down his comment was, “That’s a really shitty hand.” “Yes, but all of my points are in my suits.” “At least the vulnerability is with us.” “Vulner-what?,” I said. (Oh, did I not mention that we were vulnerable against not-vulnerable?) Turns out -800 wasn’t a good score (surprise, surprise). There was a grand slam in diamonds their way, but no one was bidding it or even six for that matter, still my bid is inexcusable at that vulnerability. After the hand I apologized. (One of the opponent’s noted I should have apologized when I put the hand down as dummy initially.) Later I would apologize again in writing only this time I would include references to my own low moral character and general flare for the f_cking idiotic.
Still the question remains of why I would even think of making that bid in the first place. I wouldn’t have done it at a tournament, I tend to view club games at the place to experiment. I do keep getting the question posed to me in various forms of just what a person needs for these “shapely bids”. The answer, is complicated, but certainly red against white, more than 4 HCP — a lot more. And then there’s the question of whether or not I’d do it again if the vulnerability were favorable. I might, especially if my partner were a passed hand. Yin would tell you that I’m a f_cking idiot for even contemplating a bid like that at any vulnerability, but he’s wrong. I’m a f_cking idiot for making that bid at unfavorable vulnerability and I won’t do it again, in part because Yin made me swear that the next time I make a Michael’s cuebid I’ll have at least 5 HCP.